I AM WASTED...

It's my "only" brother's birthday. he's two years old now. Pretty odd huh? Our gap age like centuries apart. lol. anyway. I am so over that =D. so how has everyone been lately? i've been good, as for myself. i think - i suppose. Oh well, the quest for applying for college hasn't heated up yet. Well, it already has warmed up. I have 5 money for scholarship on the stake so far. My journey in finding the words for my personal statement is really stressing me. Everything's a blur so far. I don't understand why. Maybe my mind has been really preoccupied with other things such as homeworks, exams and what in the hell am I going to MAJOR in. It has been agreed that I am not going to major in any medical career such as Nursing. Though I am as good as hell in Science and Biology and all that crap -- I want to do something that i actually love. It's not that I'm not going to love being a nurse or something medical-related - it's just rather common to me and the passion isn't there. I would want to double major in Graphic Designing and Web Designing... but then when the thought of what is going to be out there for me is so terryfying. If I am going to be a Nurse I'll probably get a job in a snap since it's in demand. If I am going to be a Graphic or Web Designer...see, I can't even finish the statement! I am so confused. College applications are due by the end of next month and I haven't started on my Personal Statement yet?! Damn. Well, on Monday I am so going to fix this crap. This weekend I'll finish up filling out all of those applications - get them checked by my counselor or Ms. Connely, ask about scholarships and confide in them about this dilemma I am having. I am not even sure if they have those course in a UC and I so wanted to go to a UC. Well, if that happens, I think I'm going to take Psychology instead, though I know I'd be a coward in taking such class since I didn't want to pursue a medical career. Sigh...

♥LOVE -- wouldn't be as good as it can be without passion, intimacy, and commitment. Then, there I sat and wondered - then if love isn't this kind of thing you feel whenever you're so high and happy like everything's all right and like nothing could go wrong, like it's just a temporary 'euphoria' - then I want to know what love is? Then it wasn't love when I met Kimvier (him whom i claim to be my first love). then it wasn't love when i went out with my past boyfriends. I couldn't find the three elements all in a one relationship - then it isn't love? Foolish, I am - after all of those years where I uttered the words "i've been there, done that," "i know how it feels - love hurts" now, to me it seems like it's all gibberish talk. It wasn't love that I felt when I met this certain guy and went out with him and stayed with him for a month or so. It wasn't love where I cried over this certain guy whom I couldn't seem to get over with because I thought he was my life and everything. Then what were they? - those strong feelings i felt for each of them. I couldn't find the answer to this one, for some reason. I know, though, that I believe I still haven't felt the true feeling of being in love. You can't, as well, fall in or out of love. Did ever occur to your mind that love isn't just a COMMON NOUN being define as

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Love could be a noun in so many ways but love, which we should have been considering, is a VERB. "You don't fall into love. You create love." Hmm... this made me sink into deep thought. Until now, I must admit, I'm still thinking. C R E A T E  love. How do we create love? ---and no you don't create love by having sex (which was in other words - "lovemaking" which actually it is not). Studies have shown that people have sex for

1.  ENHANCEMENT-physical pleasure.
2.  INTIMACY-to feel emotionally close to the partner.
3. COPING-to cope with negative emotions or disappointments.
4. SELF-AFFIRMATION-to be reassured of one's attractivenss or desirablity.
5. PARTNER-APPROVAL-to appease or please or gain favor with one's partner. and
6. PEER APPROVAL-to impress others or conforming to fit in.

Anyway, I am not about to talk about sex and what is it though we already did in Psychology. I am still on the HOW DO WE CREATE LOVE question? Damn. I don't know and I do have an idea but I am not quite sure if it's nearly as right as what people think creating love is. Anyway --

*Oh mi gosh. =D Today was our last day of Baseball for P.E. Next week, we start a whole new sport called Basketball who was invented by James Naismith in 1891. He was born in...lmao. I'm just kidding. I am not about to tell you how was it created and the whole history behind it because i don't know a thing or two about it. =D For Calculus, we have this homework which I have no idea how to do. I am almost done with the other one so that's kinda cool. For Spanish, we watched this film about Don Quixote - it's not interesting, sorry for those who like it. For Government, we had a sub which was really good for me this time = ]. You see, I never really like the idea of having a sub for government because it does suck -- but this time I do like it because I didn't get to finish this graphic organizer and if Mr. Bsharah was there then that means I have to turn it in and might get half credit because I didnt finish it. But then he was not -- so I was safe -- and there I sighed a great big Sigh which threw the stress away. =D Well, not actually threw all of the damn stress because --- I had to preside in our FOCUS Club meeting since the President Francisco won't be able to make it because he has to "study" for Physics Exam because he was absent yesterday because he said he was "sick." GOSH. I never thought I could handle it = ] well, our Secretary Ellen helped me so I think I did just fine. Puwahahaha. People actually are thinking of  'impeaching' Francisco because they want me to be the president. I'm all like "Nooo!!!" I don't think that job suits me. = ] Physics Exam was a blur to me right now. I know I'm going to get a C on it because I didn't get to do 17 problems, which was required, but only did 14. The worse part is --- I am sure that I missed probably half of them (Oh Lord, please no. I studied my ass off but then you know when i forget stuffs like easily. ARGH!). For Psychology, we had a deep discussion about sex, pre-marital sex, rape and you know -- the reasons why have sex when you can do something different to feel good & also sex before marriage and the consequences of it.

© Hannah Grace

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BRO!

I HEART YOU SO MUCH

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE...

just me here blogging some non-sense. we have a major exam for phsysics on friday. a retake quiz on calculus tomorrow and a study guide due for government. and i have to study for spanish and psychology and....

i have to work on my PERSONAL STATEMENT ASAP!!!! like totally!!!
this is so totally kickin my ass. im trying hard and im not giving up.

WRITING THE PERSONAL STATEMENT, for me, is one of the major things i need in order for me to succeed. Well, I mean. It'll take me to the college of my choice and if i survive college, which I am praying that i hope i wil, then that would help me succeed and finish up my career.

000H. work the drama Hannah. So whatever happens whatever it takes. Hannah's ain't giving up! YOU HEARD ME?  lol. anyway, enough of that. Im logging off so you guys be good and SHAKE!!!
 

*random stuff. i know i know. y'all have seen it. SO DON'T HATE. APPRECIATE!! = ]

byeness. oh and just to let you know. i am so over Timmy. i switched to this one guy from Physics class. puwahahahhaha.

BOO YOU WHORES .

Lol. DAMN. It has been like WHOA since Monday - homeworks here exams there. Time management was really crucial! Working never stopped and I'm actually happy being bombarded with as much work as I'd have. Haha, I know I'm gay but I don't know - I just wanna keep working to the extreme = ]. I so totally love school and to recall the fact that I will be graduating in eight months from now, bugs me. It's not that I don't want to go to college -- it's because it scares my ass to hell and I feel really pressured with all of these stuffs going on. I'm like hella pimping in my AP Government class so far. LMAO. I am like 1.2 points away to an A. Mr. Bsharah told us people who have those kind of grade - you know almost A or B or C - are getting there. Now, I have to work my ass a lot harder to seriously get an A+. Damn. I am so going to kill myself if I don't get it this time.  For Calculus and Physics --- dayuuum. I'm kinda getting the Calculus stuffs but it' still hard man. Physics too. It's sure a hell of work! I am so scared I might fail the upcoming exams!!! Argh, I'm such a butthole! I know my stuffs but then when the test day comes I bum it. What is so wrong with me? Ack. Anyway, I am so being a pessimist - this is baad. I should be a believer and a real fighter. Woooh. You feel me? Haha. I've been telling myself to look up and see the clear, blue sky. I'll keep my MOTIVATION UP. yeahh. Anyway, I am so over that.

Moving on... Oh my gosh. Timmy read my last blog. It was so embarrassing. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT SEAN, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. hahahah. I am so not liking him already. It's really embarrassing. He's all like "what's wrong with short flips liking me?" Duude. I am so going to get over him. *crossing fingers* Shit. Like I care if he doesn't like short flips liking him, like i care if he don't care? I JUST LIKE HIM THAT'S ALL. I swear. I know I do crazy stuffs like printing our online convo and downloading a font named timtastic and replacing all of my pencils with green colored ones and using a green notebook (he likes green). So what, right? I so placed a picture of Brian last year in my agenda with hair clips since I couldn't find paper clips. I so made an SN called crazy4calonge because i like him. I so obsessed myself with Clifford the Big Red Dog cartoons and coded Cliff as BIG RED when I liked Cliff and lots more crazy stuffs. Hahahaha. But see, I'm just like that. It's in my nature already. No biggie. Shoot. and no need to worry about how hard i fall then later on get hurt so bad BECAUSE I've been so over that mayn. I know how to work the drama out -- so simple. hahahha - go look for more boys. Lol. Dang.

Omg. I am so out of words for right now. I have a lot of stuffs to blab on about but they're kinda lost in my head. Oh, shit. I remembered one. AHAHAHA. I was elected Vice President of the FOCUS Club. It's sucky cuz the president told me not to do anything since that's what Vice Presidents are for. I'm like meany! I so wanna be the Vice because I want to work more than I did last year when I was the secretary. Then he just go "what did Mr. Bsharah say about the vice presiden'ts job?" Boo Francisco - you are so unfair! Well, let's just hope you make a lot of absences so I'll preside. Bwahahahah. I'm messing. You know I love you *as a friend dammit.* What else has been going on? Oh yeah. My mumma's birthday.

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMM-EY!

Yeah. My mom's getting old. Puwahahaha. She's 40 now and still looked like 30. She went to her dermatologist yesterday and went to get some stuffs for her face. I'm like -- "What? Are you serious? Am I tripping? You actually went to a derma just to do your face and everything?" I'm like DAMN MA. What's up with you? You ain't gonna be prettier than me anyway. Puwahahahahha. I'm kidding. = ] Oh shit. Another thing that popped up my mind again - We have new baseball teams for PE and Timmy's not in it and I feel free to bat anyway i want. LOL. I so couldn't move because of embarassment when we were on the same team. Anyway, the last time I batted I got myself to third base. Puwahahaha. Fuck the bell - if it didn't ring I shouldve scored home. Puwahahahaha.

I love Mr. McDowell. He's like the best teacher ever. Well...okay...fine. Him and Mr. Bsharah are the two best teachers ever!!! I just feel really touched and felt like crying when I heard that last Wednesday he got a fever (he's temperature was 104!) and still did go to school just to teach his students. Even though he was really feeling bad, he still went because he knows where his responsibilities are. *cries* I've never heard of a teacher as devoted as Mr. McDowell. My friend even told me that Mr. McDowell couldve had collapsed if his temperature reached a 106. *cries more louder* Thank you Mr. McDowell for always being there when we need help, when we don't understand something, for always answering our questions, for teaching us not because you have to but because you love to and you want to help us do better for our future. For everything, THANK YOU.

Damn. I'm seriously moved by that. It's just ubber incredible right? To have met and know someone as devoted and respected like Mr. McDowell and Mr. Bsharah is the best thing that I'll look back to and will always keep in my heart. *SUCH AN HONOR, SIRS. Moving on...

 CHECK THIS OUT----

AP GOV'T REPRESENT!!!

 puwahahahahaha. Hell yeah loveness. This class is my favorite class ever! It ubber rocks. Lemme see if  I can name all of my classmates. Lol. okay. From top we have [ Gonzalo, Tomas, Dominic, Trystan, Chad, Kevin, Anthony, Francisco, SEAN (lol), Jose, Luis and Chimy ] Next row we have [ Jose, Walter, Donna, (the girl at the back is...) Maricela, Rebecca, Stephanie, Cynthia, *ooh that's me behind Cynthia...lol* Adrienne, (behind her is...) Melissa, Jackie and behind Jackie is Annette, Billy Jean, Sheena, behind Sheena are Giselli and Jessica, then Veronica, Kristine and Hilaryn. ] Front row are [ Julietta, Yesenia, Blanca, and Glendy]. ahahahaha. I'm so gay. As if you care to know their names? hahaha. So what? Im fond of this class and the people as well, so don't be freaking whining. L0L. and yeah. Of Course. Are we to left off the teacher who taught these students great, amazing, ubber awesome, fantabulous stuffs? NO WAY. I'd kill myself if I did. Lol. So the picture's there. Ahahahahaha. At the right side. You likey? I'm sorry if the animation's kinda crappy. Im a starter for Imageready. I mostly use Animation Shop that's why. =D. I think I've said all I wanted to say and just enough. Oh and yeah. Check our SITE out. *I look like a faggot than I already am. I swear. Ew.  The part we did was the Our Culture one =D BUT it doesn't seem to work on a 1024x768 screen resolution. It looks all crappy! If we check it out using school computers it looks hawt. lol. Anyway i definitely used my skillz. lmao... 

THANK YOU PEOPLE. For actually taking your time reading.

I loves you muchos.

HEY XANGA WH0RES. =P

Oh God. I don't even know what to blog. My mind's all over the place right now. For once, this has been the busiest week that I had ever had for this school year. Damn, like totally! Last week was quite busy but this week is a thousand times hectic than the other weeks so I was like freaking out the whole time. Damn. I swear Senior Year is so killing me. College will be kicking my ass for sure, then. I still have to work on my personal statement for my UC applications and everything. DAMN IT. I don't know what to do!!! I have to get those done by at least the end of the month so I can get my counselor and my teachers to check it. I'm like so scared they might not like what I write in my Personal Statement too and won't get accepted at all! I so so so want to go to a University of California. It'll be one of my greatest dream achieved if I get to be accepted in one of them. Shooot! lol. Anyway... I'm so over EMO stuffs for now. haha. It really has been hard for me to like totally move on and to stop thinking about those stupidass thoughts i have everytime he pops in my mind, but hey. I'M LIKE SO OVER THAT NOW, so no biggie now. Timmy is here . puwahahahhaha. yuuuh. I am so glad to have had met him. Hahahaha. He's like the new 'apple of my eye' dude right now. hahaha. Damn, and I have him for first period too so that makes my day OH SO GOOD. hahahaha. Despite of the fact that I have a lot of stuffs to get through -- just thinking about the fact that I saw him makes me all jiggy and stuff. Hahahah. And I know...it's so preposterous to think we'll be like good friends cuz I so don't talk to him! Like oh my gosh, he talks to me but I answer him like with a sentence or just a timid smile. That is just so dumb don't you think? Well, to be exact we talked online thrice now and hmm...probably six times in person. Hahahaha. His friend Sean told me like I'm so sprung about him. I'm like NO WAY. No way to the fact that i printed our very first conversation online, downloaded a font named TIMTASTIC, and third -- my heart rush everytime I see him. Plus dude, I can't even talk to him online at first. That's why I was really touched when he i.m.-ed me first. I was like OMFG, are you serious? hahaha. That was like my first reaction when a window popped up and said "TimmayBear09 would like to send you a message." Hahahaha. Damn, that was really dumb of me anyway. So yeah. But I really don't care if he thinks I'm dull and stupid. All's good to me you see. I like him, he inspires me, i get to do my work, i don't get depress, and that makes me a happy teenager. LMAO hard. hahahha. Plus, you see. I so didn't like PE at first cuz it's so sucky and it so totally MESS UP MY HAIR. haha but hey, I'm like so over those crunkiness. I so love PE even though I told timmy that I hated it. Hey, you make PE fun and worth having for me so yeah. hahaha. I LOVE P.E. wooohoo. It was supposed to be my only secret at first but when Sean read my blog that I like this white guy from my P.E. class he got the hint. Damn, I even tried to deny it but then he asked timmy if he was the only white guy in PE and turns out that he really is the only white guy in that class. Hahahah. stupid me. Oh well, this blog has been crap so i should have adviced everyone not to read it. Pshh. Haha. Anyway, that reminds me. Yesterday, for Government, we have to turn in the Cornell Notes Mr. Bsharah had assigned us Monday cuz it was due. I so PROCRASTINATED on that one. Like i typed it 5:30 in the morning friday then continued on it until the period before Government. Damn, if i was working out I'd say I was heckuh sore mayn. LIKE TOTALLY. That was why i was ubber hyperventilating the night before, because I have those notes due, a Legislative branch poster to finish up, a damn ubber confusing homework for Calculus (stuffs for Calculus tend to get stored in my 'short-termed memories' part of my mind, I forget them easily so I have to do homeoworks right after the actual lesson). It got confusing cuz I didn't work on it right away cuz I started on the Government poster first. So everything fell apart that time -- like seriously mayn. I was this freaked-out chick not knowing what to do but to work on her stuffs and do her thing and never stop! I actually slept only 2 hours dude. TWO HOURS, and I was so mad those two hours were too much it so messed up my plans that I didnt get to finish my work at home. So there I was freaking out 'till school and I only started breathing normally when I got to turn in those Cornell Notes -- and guess what homie. I GOT AN A+ ON IT. puwahahahahahah. Damn, when I got the paper back, I felt like socking myself and patting my own back or jumping or just whatever! Hahaha. The hardwork did pay off and I couldn't say I should've done better if I worked on it the day it was assigned cuz I got whole credit on it. But still, I would never forget that feeling -- panicking, scared, out of my mind...but even though I was almost going insane, ahahaha, I still didn't get over with the 'feeling-everytime-Im-with-timmy' feeling. SIGH. Life. It has been good though it mostly kicked my ass the whole time. Shet. Forget about the drama for now right? Hahahahah. Now, it's just all about SCH0OL-FRIENDS-COLLEGE-FUN-STUDYING-TIMMY. hahahaha. Sounds good to me ;D Damn peeps. Hahahaha. I should've warned you this blog's not gonna be that interesting ( like I'll have interesting blogs =D ) but if you got to this POINT. thanks. LOVE YOU ALL!

...and...OMG. haha. I finally got to give my xanga a makeover. It's not really a major one but at least I got rid of some oldies style you know. haha. I'm so digging the background, too. puwahahha. Timmy is 'just' the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen person that I was quoting it to. Blech. I'm so gay huh? Well, it really is not rare for me anymore -- liking someone and never get the feeling of that someone liking you back. I'm all good. Again, I just wanna be oh so thankful to God for every single thing that He had put me through and for always helping me find my way out. THANK YOU LORD.